Finding My Old Self

At an early stage in my adult life, I was completely lost. I’m referring to before my twenties. I didn’t know what life had in store or what was going to happen next.

I Was Blessed

Fortunately I was super blessed with an inexplicable force of injection into my life. It was God looking after me and guiding me into the direction that I needed to go. I went from being a lost soul with very little to no ambition, consistent depression, failure in various areas of my life as well as a very deep level of pain – to being the person that God wanted me to be. A hard-working, positive and loving person with the perfect sense of self-assuredness and joy.

Surprise of change is what makes us grateful.

I still don’t know how it happened. When I look back on my life, I was just blessed and I am still thankful for that until today. That is why I am a believer – simply because I couldn’t have been what I am today by myself. It is magical! As if I was lucky but luck doesn’t really exist, just pure projection of what you deserve.

The happiest and most successful phases in my life were in my early twenties when I lived life to it’s fullest and reached amazing milestones. That is the person I am looking to discover again.

I’ve been searching so long for the truth in the wrong place.

It All Went Downhill

I achieved so much and then I fell so hard, there was nothing left…

Unfortunately I fell into a very odd situation which I often try to identify as a trap. I ended up in a place where I had to seriously and consciously look at what life is becoming and make a choice. I really didn’t want to.

The easiest decision would’ve been to just continue going on and deny that I am the most unhappy version of myself that I could possibly be. It just doesn’t cut it. We are here on earth as physical beings to influence, love, enjoy, thank, praise and most of all realize that it is so temporary and that time is so valuable.

I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had to make a choice. This is not what I imagined life to be. It was supposed to be at least contented and enjoyable but it was the complete opposite. I dreaded waking up, my self-esteem went to basically zero and it was just a big mess.

Giving up on life is the worst thing you can possibly do but changing your thinking can change your life.

It took a decade of dismantlement in order for me to realize what is going on and I will never, ever allow this in my life again. Rather late than sorry, don’t you think?

Downhill is probably an understatement. At the stage when I realized that I was in a complete deconstruction of myself I made the choice and cut it off immediately. There is more to life and I want something more!

Making a New Start

Here I am in the present, making a new start and starting to find my old self again on my own terms. I used to love myself, life, God, people, experiences and just anything that was thrown at me. I used to enjoy a challenge and give it a good kick-back.

Up until now I have learned so much from numerous experiences and my best possible approach to learning from them is to repeat the problems and solutions to myself in my head. Usually they make sense and I can continue to grow through the processing and self-assessment.

I wish myself and this beautiful life with all it has to offer the most blessed and amazing experience of happiness, success, joy, enjoyment, love, consideration, hard work, learning, etc. I can go on forever. I want it all and I’m willing to apply myself to these things as I know that nothing is a given.

Thank you to all my friends and family for your support and for the unique relationships we have built over the years. There are so many people I love, adore and respect. You are what makes life worth it.

There is a story to be written here <3

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